Time to Talk
I’m not going to lie, I wrote this blog at the end of January but struggled to bring myself to post. It has also gone through numerous reincarnations and I just struggle to hit send. I realise we are an organisation working with people who are struggling with the mental health and this topic is something we discuss with clients on a near daily basis but this blog piece… it’s taken more of an emotional toll that I thought it would.
As many of you will be aware in January, West Lothian was hit with the news of the loss of Devin Gordon. Devin was 13, only 13 years old and he wasn’t able to go on.
Suicide is something that often makes people uncomfortable to talk about but when it happens so early in life, a life that had not even begun it is even more difficult to wrap our heads around. But for the sake of the victims and for the people in mourning it’s time to talk openly and honestly about the matter. And I write this blog with the hope that it might help even just one person struggling who feels like this could be the only way out.
If you want I can sit here and spew out facts on suicide all day long; more than 700,000 people die due to suicide every year in the world and for every suicide there are many more people who attempt suicide. How, a prior suicide attempt is the single most important risk factor and that suicide is the fourth leading cause of death among 15-19 year-olds. The affects of income/class given that 77% of global suicides occur in low and middle income countries. Looking more locally that in Scotland, just under three-quarters of people who died by suicide in 2020 were male with the highest rate of suicide for males occurring in the 35 – 44 age group and for females it was in the 45 – 54 age group.
I think you’ll agree the facts alone shock, the numbers are high but these are just figures on a piece of paper. It rarely evokes emotion because we fail to assign the humanity to them. We block out that those 700,000 plus were friends, family, mothers, fathers, siblings, children. We see the number but it is near impossible to know all their stories and the reasons that led to the heartbreaking act.
We don’t know Devin’s story and will never claim to tell a story we do not know. But his story matters, his life matters - just like the lives of all the people we have lost to this. In the hope we can change the future we need to look at how as a society we react and think about suicide. We need understanding and empathy and our compassion should not just be towards the loved ones grieving, it needs to start with the person.
I remember when I was younger I often heard the narrative “how could they do that to their family” and sadly there are those who still deem it a selfish act. Religions still ostracise those and deem it the ultimate sin. People still look down upon them, I even remember once witnessing a man on Waverly Bridge in Edinburgh, as he barely held on to the side and a group of teens started chanting “jump”. For some reason, our society have treated suicide throughout history like the person is a villain in some elaborate story and it is somehow them saying F you to society and all their loved ones. They see this act as a crime when the reality is, it’s a illness. These people are not the villain they are the victims.
So how can we change this idea? Well how about we share, share the truth and the often unspoken reality. I want you to take a minute and think about something each of us has - self preservation. Just like animals and the zebra running from the cheetah, human beings instinctually are born with a desire to live. Like when you put your hand on a hot surface and you pull it away quickly. Or when a car is coming towards you, you jump out the way - you naturally try and avoid harm. Can you imagine feeling there is nothing left to live for and that you no longer want to jump out the way because… well whats the point.
Maybe or hopefully, the idea that the pain, the darkness overwhelming you and pain being something acceptable is foreign to you. But I know many of you struggle, its a daily struggle. A challenge to get out of bed and throw on the mask of happiness so society feels comfortable around you. Hiding the pain and the ongoing battle inside your mind because you don’t believe anyone will understand. The feeling of not being normal and being alone.
Imagine you have lost all hope that anything can get better, hope that you will ever feel… well, that you will ever feel anything again. Do you understand now how this act is not one anyone can take lightly and even those ‘cries for help’, these are people who have been broken by the world, broken by life and unable to cope. They feel alone, trapped and like there is no way out for them.
So here’s the deal, if you are reading this because you are trying to understand or find empathy when you think of those who lost their life this way - remember what you take for granted, that desire to live is something they have lost and it is not a straight forward journey to get it back. Find your empathy for them and be aware more people than you know are struggling through this.
“Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding.”
- Plato
Now, if you are reading this because you are struggling listen to me I beg you. I know you are fighting a daily battle within your own mind, it’s hard and you might be scared that one day it won’t be enough. I promise you are not alone in this and if you reach out you will see that there is a community of people who want to help you. It is not your fault your going through this and you do not need to do it all alone.
A sad truth is that we never live long enough to see how much we are missed - you are important, your life is important and your story does not have to end like this. I promise that life can be filled with hope again. I won’t say it’s easy but I will tell you it’s worth it!
Samaritans (24/7 Support) - 116 123
And remember if you need to talk and you are looking for ongoing one to one support, we are here! Just drop us an email at info@trashpandahq.com or text on 07591 565 962.
You Are Not Alone
