Love Thy Self

Jesus lived 33 years on this world and made his mark on it. However, at the same age I cannot proclaim to have fed 5000, rose from the dead or turned water into wine but I have learned a few things. (And yes, fun fact for you Jesus died at 33, here’s hoping it comes up in your next pub quiz.)

The biggest learning curve I feel I have gone through is that of body image. I mean you can call it self love, body positivity, self worth but ultimately it comes down to the relationship each of us hold with our own bodies. 

Now my relationship with my body has changed as I aged but I have to admit right here dear reader, I have never hated my body. I have had good and bad days, sought to change things when needed (i.e. lose weight when I can barely breath going up stairs as I was so outta shape) BUT I am incredibly lucky with how my brain is wired and that despite the external world and voices I have always loved myself, flaws and all. My depression strangely enough never went after my body issues and for that I am so lucky. But it is not an easy thing and it takes work to be like this, especially in a world that has always been vocal that I do not fit the beauty standards. I even had a friend once tell me that she was shocked I never had an eating disorder following all the diets in my household… I guess I could never villianise food, cheese is never the enemy in my mind! 

For me, I strive to be grateful every day for my body, like any relationship I am not head over heels in love every moment but I find the good. My thick thighs that have been commented on for being too large and also ripped a fair few pairs of jeans, well these tree trunks root me to the earth, I am blessed to walk on them, run, cycle, bend, squat and even dance about like a lunatic on occasion. My pale skin with moles was once a beauty standard for the 17th century but nowadays tans are considered what's healthy and attractive - yet I embrace the beauty of my vampire esq appearance and guess what, I absorb the benefits of the sun easier, so getting in that Vitamin D is as easy as a walk in the park (quite literally) and this is a huge perk in a not so sunny Scotland. 

We all do struggle but I have seen first hand that for some it is a much harder battle. From watching friends, family and clients I have and continue to see, that for some the negative voices can win. When the voice in their heads tells them they are worthless, too fat, too thin, too ugly - when that voice wins out and they cannot see the reality of their own beauty and strength. Oh how I wish I could show them all what I see in them, so I could drown out that voice but sadly life isn’t that simple. I have seen these bodies starved, for some their bodies overfeed, others have binges that then lead to restrictions and vomiting ensuing. I have seen people starve themself to the point of collapse and inject chemicals into themselves to the point they are unrecognisable. The colour fading from once healthy faces and years of abuse through bad relationships with body image slowly take a toll and destroy once healthy happy people. And I’m very aware that the damage being done to these bodies is taking a huge toll on their mental wellbeing as well.

As you know here at Trash Panda CIC we offer free support and one of our biggest client groups is young women - in particular in the ages of 16 to 24. A vulnerable age at the best of times but it is clear that the issues that plagued our generation and those who came before, well these are still being inherited by this new generation. Despite the best attempts of body positive influences they, like us, still face an uphill battle in order to love their own bodies, embrace it fully and not pass their insecurities on. But where we had magazines and models to trigger our insecurities at a young age they have social media and the unavoidable standards (real and fake) that they are having drilled into their young developing minds. We know it takes a lot to fight the negative voices in our own head especially when being bombarded with everything else. But together we could try something, so let’s give this a go…

*IMAGINE THE SCENE FROM MEAN GIRLS AND ACTION*

“Please raise your hand if you have ever been made to feel your body is not enough by our society?”

Oh everyone, great then let's continue and break this shit down! 

Our societies and communities have high standards of beauty and let's be clear I am not just referring to the social media, other media outlets and celebrities here. Even the old man in your local pub can voice his opinion on beauty and if you meet those standards - the thing that connects all of the above though is that we don’t actually ask for their opinions 9 times out of 10 but they trickle out anyway - some people just love to hear their own voice, right! 

And yes we are human, and of course we all have our own viewpoints and different attractions. But let’s be honest about body image and beauty standards, like so many topics it can feel like you're standing in the middle as two sides yell at each other without actually listening or thinking things out. You can’t win because regardless of what standpoint you take someone will be there yelling to say you are wrong and so yet again you feel your body isn’t enough.

I don’t know if you have noticed too but after so much time preaching “be kind” it has become very clear what the majority of people online take that to mean - “be kind to people of similar views to your own, the rest can go fuck themselves!”

One side demands “FUCK YOUR BEAUTY STANDARDS” and negatively reflects on anyone who may naturally fit them or worse works to fit them. The other side then screams “HERBAL TEAS, LIPO, PLASTIC SURGERY, BOTOX, NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS” but fail to mention their poor mental health and in many cases the fact they are lying to get paid to promote products. 

Christ, even accounts that advertise body positivity and empowering women are seen taking aim at other women just to further their own narrative. I found the perfect example of this online, I will protect the account holder's name but she is a very popular author who is all about empowerment. In back to back story posts she posted this…

Story #1

Now she was sharing another content creator's views on Gwyneth Paltrow’s 50th birthday photos posted on social media. The description had me thinking here was about to be a positive reflection on ageing and so I clicked…

I probably should have guessed from her having to repress the urge to write and her ranting comment I wasn’t in for that uplifting age piece after all.

I read the article intro and the part posted online but I’ll be honest by that point I didn’t want to pay £4 to hear someone rant that this wasn’t the “normal looking 50”. In all honesty the piece was almost trying to silence someone for embracing their body as it aged (in a way they saw fit) because it fitted with the standards of beauty our society holds.

It was like she wasn’t allowed to feel comfortable and assuming she never struggled to come to terms with her body because to them she looked beautiful and youthful. Because in their eyes she fitted a standard so surely her negative voices in her head could never be as loud as theirs. This dear reader, is why I hate the body positivity movement because it lacks something it preaches… inclusivity.

Then came Story #2

Would you believe it, a 50 year old woman on social media dancing, looking hot as hell and… this was praised! A woman who clearly works out, enjoys her body (rightly so btw) just like Gwyneth but I guess since she has grey hair and maybe 10lbs on the actress she was allowed to embrace her body. That’s the message right?

One is allowed to celebrate her body, age and ability but the other just infuriates people. Like I said before dear reader, you just can’t win. 

It’s clear neither side here actually help to fix the issues, neither side can stop shouting long enough to actually have a real conversation and clearly neither side paid attention when they were children and were told if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all.

So I think it is time we stop listening to each side fight and spend some time alone trying to sort out the voice in our own head. Because there are a vast amount of women and men out there dying because they can’t heal their relationship with that voice. Dying because they can’t figure out the way to love their bodies, their one and only body because the two sides are too busy yelling at each other to actually help.

Instead of opposing sides, can we share how we learned to love ourselves? Whether it is mantras, therapy, exercise, date nights with yourself, journaling or whatever you use! Let’s talk about it, let’s share ideas and conversations about how people can really sit down and change a negative relationship they have with their own bodies. Because the mental and physical health relationships are closely interlinked and we can’t pretend all is well just with a well posed picture or hashtag.

We owe it to not only ourselves, but to our friends, our family and co-workers, to cut out the bullshit the media and society has so long been forced to endure. We have to stop pretending these people online with their own agendas and products to push, really give a shit if you love yourself or not because ultimately they are just feeding into the idea that we will never be enough. 

My hope is that the next generation our daughters, sons, nieces and nephews will call out the bullshit. They will forever love and be committed to building a strong relationship with their own bodies, listening to what it needs and never punishing it for its short falls. They will avoid years of therapy because they will know their body has value because they as human beings have value. They will see another person celebrate their body and cheer them on regardless if they find that person physically attractive or not because they will see value in that it is human life and that is enough!

If you want to talk about your own journey with your relationship with your body or even share it please get in touch! Let’s not stop the conversations here. Just drop us an email at info@trashpandahq.com

You Are Not Alone